Monday, October 18, 2010
I'M SO SORRY.....IT'S LIFE GETTING IN THE WAY!!!!
It's been almost a month since I made a post. It's a full time job taking care of Bill. He has always depended on me for his every need and I blame myself for that. Now it is magnified 100%. One of these days I'm going to make a list of how many times he calls my name during the day....and I never know when he really needs me or if he wants to know that I'm still close by. A lot of the times, he doesn't even know what he wants when I go. He will say, "I just wondered where you were and what you were doing.".. This morning at 4 AM his started. I got up to see what he wanted.....he couldn't sleep (because he slept all day yesterday) If he is awake, he thinks I should be awake. I didn't go back to sleep. That is the way most of my nights turn out to be. Sleep won't come to me during the day. When he is asleep, I try to sleep and I can't. I have a dark room in the basement. You would think it was midnight there in the middle of the day. I'm in the process of cleaning it out and putting up a bed to see if I can take a nap when he does. And I don't know if his brain isn't getting enough oxygen or it's the morphine he is on, but he is saying the strangest things. Ryan and Lucas have been with me for four days. I took them to the mall Saturday. Gary called and was laughing, He told me what Bill had said. He told Gary I was out selling tickets for The Bonnie Kate Theater in Elizabethton. That is one of the oldest theaters in TN. and if I'm correct, it has been out of business for years. Bill said I was out selling tickets Saturday. My Oh My!!!!!Things like that ....I'm keeping a journal....maybe one day it will make me laugh all over again. Right now he is having a BM (excuse me) and he want sme to stand by his bed until he gets through. He has to have a diaper because where he used the bedpan, he has raw places that I have to dress every day. I know this sounds awful, but I wanted you to know I'm still alive....I started to say and well....but I have seen better days. I think my better days will be after I'm dead and gone. I will try to post more often...bare with me!